Teen Accused of Sexting in Escondido? What to Do First
TL;DR
Escondido criminal defense attorney Richard S. Sterger tells parents not to delete anything from phones or computers and not to try to settle things with the other family. Instead, they should stop talking and contact a lawyer quickly, because early involvement can sometimes keep a case out of juvenile delinquency proceedings. Sterger Law Group offers free consultations and says parents usually get a call back within the hour.
- Deleting images or messages rarely erases the trail. Sterger has seen people face additional charges because they tried to get rid of the evidence.
- Calling the other child's parents to work it out can backfire. That conversation can turn into admissions that become key evidence against your child.
- California has no Romeo and Juliet type of exception for sexting. Images of minors are treated as child pornography under the law, even when minors send them to each other.
- A threat to go to the police should be taken seriously. Even if the other family goes to the school instead, mandatory reporting means the matter will likely reach the police.
- Bringing in an attorney early can sometimes stop a juvenile case before it becomes a delinquency proceeding.
- Staying quiet is also the best way to handle rumors, because public attention on a case tends to die out quickly unless the family keeps it going.
Why can normal teen behavior lead to criminal charges?
Richard S. Sterger: I'm an attorney. I do a lot of work with juvenile cases. I represent not just juveniles, but young adults. A lot of my cases involve parents, because the clients are still young adults or they're juveniles. This has become something that gets charged more frequently.
I think kids are more knowledgeable now. I think they're becoming smarter and not getting caught innocently by doing things that come back to haunt them. But this still is a place where you can mistakenly get caught up as a kid. The laws around child pornography are so strict that teenagers engaging in what would be relatively normal conduct can really run afoul of these laws. So you have to be really careful.
What should parents do first when a teen is accused of sexting?
Richard S. Sterger: The idea that you're going to remove something off a tablet, a phone, or a computer in a way that eliminates any audit trail to it, or that it's not simply going to be recovered, is a lot more difficult than you think. I'm not saying it can't be done, but I've seen so many people get caught up in additional charges because they think the answer to the problem they have is to get rid of this stuff, and then there's not going to be a problem. So don't delete things. Even from the most innocent perspective, it's not something that can be done easily, and it has bad results.
Don't contact the other parents. I grew up in a generation where that's exactly how these things were handled. The first thing that usually happened was one parent was calling the other parent. So for a lot of people that are my age, or come from smaller town areas, the first instinct is, let's just straighten this out with the parents. That can lead to all kinds of problems. Today, you have to understand that the conversation with the parents oftentimes can end up being admissions that become the key evidence that can convict your child.
This isn't about getting away with something. It's about having the best ability to control the severity of what is going to be charged. The more that gets said, even mistakenly, or gets taken out of context, the more it can lead to more severe charges.
You don't talk to the school about it. You don't talk to the parents about it. You don't talk to the police about it. You contact an attorney, and then you have somebody who can assist you in communicating with these different agencies. Particularly when you're talking about juvenile cases, you want an attorney involved quickly because we can stop things before they ever even rise to the level of a delinquency proceeding in a lot of cases. These things can be handled without the case ever being placed into juvenile proceedings.
Is sexting between minors a crime in California?
Richard S. Sterger: Unfortunately, there are no special laws for kids, and there's no Romeo and Juliet type of exception like there is with respect to sex. These images are child pornography under the law, and there's no leniency just because you're minors.
What if the other family threatens to call the police?
Richard S. Sterger: Inherent in these situations is the threat of police. So if a parent is saying it to you, I would take them at their word. Here's how the cycle likely goes. "I was looking at my daughter's text messages, and I saw that she had sent an image, and this boy has this image, and I'm very concerned about him distributing it." Who are they going to go to? They may not know the parents. In today's world, it's not like you know every single parent. So the likely place they go to is the school.
The second they say this to the school, there's now an image that qualifies as child pornography. The students who are involved have been identified, or they're going to look to identify them, and the school is going to have to report it. So whether the parents are threatening to go to the police or whether they're going to handle it through the school, this is likely going to end up with the police, and you have to take it seriously from that point.
The easy part is for parents who can afford an attorney. Pick up the phone, get an attorney now, don't think that this thing is minor, talk to somebody who understands how the juvenile system works, and be prepared. It may not come to pass that they report it to the police. But if it does, you have to be prepared. At least talk to an attorney, and stop talking to the other parent.
The tougher part is for people who don't have the resources. What do they do? That is a very difficult position to be in. We do free consultations. If somebody calls our office and it's a parent, I prioritize parents, and I don't do a background check or a credit check before I give them a consultation. I pick up the phone, and I talk to them. I give them at least the outline of what they need to do and what they shouldn't do. I give them enough information to be prepared for what's going to happen. Oftentimes, I'll walk them through exactly how this goes down if the police become involved. I talk to them about where we can start affecting the points of diversion so that they can make a choice about whether they want to retain counsel.
Even if you don't have the money to pay private counsel, I would absolutely reach out, because I know there are a lot of attorneys out there who will take the time. When we get parents calling about their kids, it might not be a five-alarm fire, but it's a four-alarm fire. So we always prioritize responding to those parents. Oftentimes, these things happen very quickly.
How can parents keep rumors from making things worse?
Richard S. Sterger: I think the biggest thing is that you circle the wagons. You get counsel. You find out how you're going to handle this from a legal perspective, which is essentially going to be to stop talking. That will also normally mean you're not out there addressing the rumors. You're not out there adding to the blaze. You're staying quiet. These things have a life cycle that tends to die out pretty quickly because people move on. It may be awful for you and for your child, but it moves on very quickly.
I've experienced this firsthand. I had a case, and it was a bad case, and it involved a kid. It was all over the news on Friday night. We thought it was going to keep getting picked up. We were very, very concerned about this. On Sunday, there was a story about a mom who had dropped luggage on the freeway, and she had the kids go out on the freeway, and the kids got hit by a car. There was a big pileup. When I walked into the courthouse, nobody was talking about the case from Friday night because something had intervened in the middle. That was the case everybody was going to be talking about. We had no more press on my client's case.
Almost anything can intervene and distract the attention away from it, and it oftentimes doesn't come back. Don't be the engine that keeps it going. Your response allows for a new response, and then you respond to that, and you're the one perpetuating something that would die out on its own.
One of my law school classmates just celebrated twenty years in business. She was a lawyer, then she was a news broadcaster, and then she went into communications crisis management. I've talked to her about this. One of the best ways for things to pass is to not say anything at first and see if it just dies out. You don't need to address it. That's great advice in this criminal situation. The first thing is to do what protects your kid, which is to stay quiet. Stop talking. Don't talk to administrators. Don't talk to the police. If you follow what's legally best for your kids, it's also probably going to handle the rumor mill and social media.
Most people think about themselves anyway. They're only on you for a second because it makes them feel like they're in the know. When you respond, you keep the juice going. Unless we've decided we're going to play this out in public, we don't add anything to it.
Who should Escondido parents call about a teen sex crime accusation?
Richard S. Sterger: Call an attorney. I'm happy to have you call Sterger Law Group. We will give you our attention immediately. We consider this a high-priority response. If you tell us your child has been arrested, your child has been accused, or your child was in this situation, you're going to receive a call very quickly from my office. When I say very quickly, we're talking within the hour, usually immediately. You may even get put right on with one of us.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I delete the photos or messages from my teen's phone?
No. Sterger says removing material from a phone, tablet, or computer without leaving an audit trail is much harder than people think. He has seen people face additional charges because they tried to get rid of it.
Can I just talk to the other child's parents and settle it?
Sterger advises against it. A conversation between parents can end up producing admissions that become key evidence against your child, and anything said, even by mistake, can lead to more severe charges.
Is there an exception in California when both teens are minors?
According to Sterger, there are no special laws for kids and no Romeo and Juliet type of exception for sexting. Images of minors are treated as child pornography under the law.
What if the other family says they will go to the police?
Sterger says to take them at their word. Even if they go to the school instead, school staff are required to report, so the matter will likely reach the police. He recommends talking to an attorney right away and preparing.
What if we cannot afford a private attorney?
Sterger encourages parents to reach out anyway. His office offers free consultations without a background or credit check, and he gives parents an outline of what to do, what to avoid, and where diversion may be possible.
Edited for length and clarity from a recorded conversation with Richard S. Sterger. Watch the full interview on YouTube.
